{"id":726,"date":"2026-09-24T09:40:48","date_gmt":"2026-09-24T07:40:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/beyondhorizonscoaching.com\/?p=726"},"modified":"2026-09-30T11:14:53","modified_gmt":"2026-09-30T09:14:53","slug":"one-thing-i-learned-in-hr-saying-no-is-much-harder-when-the-person-across-the-table-thinks-the-rules-shouldnt-apply-to-them","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/beyondhorizonscoaching.com\/nl\/one-thing-i-learned-in-hr-saying-no-is-much-harder-when-the-person-across-the-table-thinks-the-rules-shouldnt-apply-to-them\/","title":{"rendered":"One thing I learned in HR: saying no is much harder when the person across the table thinks the rules shouldn\u2019t apply to them"},"content":{"rendered":"<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">There was a period in my HR career when the company was under significant financial pressure. Cost discipline was no longer something discussed once a quarter. It influenced almost every decision we made.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And for HR, that meant saying no. A lot. No salary increase. No bonus. No new lease car. No additional headcount. No exception.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Those conversations were never particularly pleasant, but they became even harder because we were dealing with another reality at exactly the same time: we still needed to retain critical talent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The business might have been under pressure, but that did not mean the external labour market had suddenly stopped. Our best people still had choices. Competitors could still offer more. Leaders still wanted to recognise their strongest performers. And employees did not stop having expectations simply because the financial situation of the company had changed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That is where decisions that look straightforward on a spreadsheet become much more complicated in practice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h6 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>The rules also applied at the top<\/strong><\/h6>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">There was another dimension to this. The restrictions did not only apply to employees deeper in the organisation. They applied to the Executive Committee too. And that was not always well received.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">It is easy to support cost discipline in principle. It can feel rather different when the consequence affects your own salary, bonus, benefits or team.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">As the senior HR leader, however, you cannot credibly explain one set of rules to thousands of employees while quietly creating another set for the people at the top.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That does not mean every situation is identical. Executive remuneration is complex. Critical talent situations sometimes genuinely require a different solution. There can be legitimate reasons to make exceptions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But an exception needs to be exactly that: an exception. Not something that happens simply because the person asking has more organisational power.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h6 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>HR has to hold several truths at the same time<\/strong><\/h6>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This is one of the things that makes senior HR leadership difficult. You rarely have the luxury of looking at a decision from only one perspective. You are thinking about cost. But also retention. You are thinking about individual circumstances. But also fairness. You are thinking about the person sitting across from you. But also the thousands of people who will never sit in that room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">You are considering what happens if you say no. And what precedent you create if you say yes. Those are not always comfortable choices. And there is often no answer that makes everyone happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h6 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Being a trusted adviser does not mean being agreeable<\/strong><\/h6>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I have always believed that one of HR\u2019s most important roles is to be a trusted adviser to the CEO, Executive Committee and Board. But \u201ctrusted\u201d should never be confused with \u201cagreeable\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">There will be moments when the most valuable contribution HR can make is to challenge the prevailing view. Sometimes that means questioning whether cost reductions have gone too far. Sometimes it means arguing for an investment in talent when money is tight. And sometimes it means looking a very senior executive in the eye and explaining why the answer is no.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">That can be uncomfortable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Particularly when relationships matter, when you work closely together every day and when you know the decision will not be appreciated. But avoiding the difficult conversation usually does not make the underlying issue disappear. It simply moves the problem somewhere else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h6 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>The pressure does not always end when the meeting does<\/strong><\/h6>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">There is another part of these decisions that people outside HR do not always see. You leave the meeting and continue thinking about it. Did we go too far? Will we lose someone we really need? Was there another solution? Did I challenge enough? Was I too rigid? What happens if other people hear that an exception was made?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Senior HR decisions often sit at the intersection of business performance and people\u2019s lives. That responsibility can follow you long after the meeting has finished. Experience does not necessarily make those decisions easier. What it can give you is greater clarity about the questions that need to be asked, the trade-offs that need to be understood and the principles you are not prepared to abandon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">And perhaps that is one of the most important parts of senior HR leadership. Not always having the answer everyone wants to hear. But being able to stand behind the answer you believe the organisation needs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I work with senior HR executives navigating high-stakes people and organisational decisions, helping them lead with confidence, strengthen their influence on the executive agenda and make sure that a demanding role does not consume everything outside it.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>There was a period in my HR career when the company was under significant financial pressure. Cost discipline was no longer something discussed once a quarter. It influenced almost every decision we made. And for HR, that meant saying no. A lot. No salary increase. No bonus. No new lease car. No additional headcount. No&#8230;<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":727,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_themeisle_gutenberg_block_has_review":false,"_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-726","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondhorizonscoaching.com\/nl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/726","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondhorizonscoaching.com\/nl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondhorizonscoaching.com\/nl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondhorizonscoaching.com\/nl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondhorizonscoaching.com\/nl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=726"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/beyondhorizonscoaching.com\/nl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/726\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":728,"href":"https:\/\/beyondhorizonscoaching.com\/nl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/726\/revisions\/728"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondhorizonscoaching.com\/nl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/727"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/beyondhorizonscoaching.com\/nl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=726"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondhorizonscoaching.com\/nl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=726"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/beyondhorizonscoaching.com\/nl\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=726"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}